New Beginnings…

Dear 2013,

I’m going to miss you so much. You taught me so many things about my smile. I learned that the most beautiful grins could form after our most painful situations. I learned that you can renovate your dreams to make room for your ever-changing reality. You taught me the beauty in being human. Most of us want our lives to look like the picture that comes in the frame when you buy it.  Some of us couldn’t get our dysfunction to function long enough to catch the shot.  You taught me the beauty in being that vulnerable. That sometimes it’s not about the perfect image, it’s just about real love. I searched for God in every teardrop and thanked Him for every smile.  Thank you for the lessons you taught me about life, love, God, and me.



Lesson 101: Test of Love 

It was much easier to play the victim than take the blame. The truth is I didn’t know how to tell you I wasn’t sure my love was strong enough for this. You disappointed me yes, but what if my love disappointed you. I projected my insecurities onto you and let my loyalty waiver when you needed stability the most. I have decided I want to pass the test of love with you. I want to show you that my love is strong enough to see a flicker of grace in your darkest days.

Lesson 102: Bittersweet Goodbyes….

I can’t grieve losing something I know God never blessed. I wish I could have made the decision without affecting anyone else’s life. I’m sorry that I chose to become numb instead of walking away. I just didn’t want to feel pain anymore and being numb felt like the easiest way. The day the numbness wore off I knew I had to escape the pain again. I could turn to work, dive into school, or build thicker walls to surround my heart, but instead I let go. I stopped holding my breath waiting for change and became the hope I wanted to see.  I exhaled the bitterness I’d been breathing and inhaled the sweet faith I so desperately needed. I realized that there was nothing wrong with feeling. 

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article courtesy of Jakes

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