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Pastor John Gray has set the Internet on fire after an appearance on Sister Circle Live,

where he talked about his relationship with wife, Aventer Gray, and how they’ve interacted over the years. Pastor Gray has said that his wife has suffered more through raising him as a man than she did in giving birth to their two children.

The viral clip sparked debate about what constitutes a healthy marriage— particularly ones that include Black women.

Writer Candace Marie Benbow contrasted John Gray’s clíp with an interview of former FLOTUS Michelle Obama talking about her marriage with former President Barack Obama.

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