The latest Hollywood accessory on the arms of many gorgeous, Black and successful celebrities ladies is not a new bag from Chanel or a gorgeous and gaudy new bracelet. Many ladies are sporting other women’s men. Married men, to be exact. It was shocking news to hear of the drama that Alicia Keys is a part of, as she is openly dating producer Swizz Beats, who left his pregnant wife to be pursued by the paparazzi with his mistress. This seems unsettling considering how “pro-woman” Ms. Keys is in her music, yet somehow she knows nothing aboutthe institution of marriage. Gabrielle Union was recently sued by Mrs. Dwayne Wade, as she has been openly dating the married basketball player for more than a year. Supermodel Naomi Campbell was just on Oprah, beaming with her married millionaire beau and giving fans a tour of their life together in Russia. When Oprah asked the man was he married and he said yes, she then asked, “well, don’t you believe in divorce?” when he explained that he had been separated for 10 years from his wife. The audience laughed. Many gossip blogs look at the wives of Swizz Beats and Dwayne Wade as bitter. Many female commentors growl at the ladies asking, “when are they going to get on with their lives.”
Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union
Do women have a responsibility not to tempt men? Most women claim they are irresistible. Most women don’t care about what a man does when he isn’t with them. There’s a old school song that goes, “I don’t care about the other girls, just be good to me.” I know that there was a point in my life where I could pretty much get a man (single, married or otherwise) to do anything I wanted them to do. It wasn’t necessarily about being overly sexual. But once I began dating, it was clear that I had an advantage over men to talk them into doing whatever I wanted them to. I didn’t feel responsible for his lust toward me. I didn’t feel responsible for him breaking any vows, covenants or personal goals for himself. His problems he created dealing with me washis problems. If he didn’t comply, there were plenty of other men that would.
I have never had an affair with a married man (to my knowledge). But I have surely been involved in some love triangles, squares, pentagons, you name it! Some with my knowledge and some without. Of course this lying, sneaking and cheating has been going on for years. Adultery is certainly not new. But these ladies who are in a pedestal in our community are making it cool to be a harlot! I use the word harlot, because that is how the Bible refers to them.
I was flipping through Proverbs one day, and came across this scripture, that is called The Crafty Harlot in the New King James edition of my Bible:
To keep you from the evil woman,
From the flattering tongue of a seductress.
Do not lust after her beauty in your heart,
Nor let her allure you with her eyelids.
For by means of a harlot
A man is reduced to a crust of bread;
And an adulteresswill prey upon his precious life.
Can a man take fire to his bosom,
And his clothes not be burned?
Can one walk on hot coals,
And his feet not be seared?
So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
Whoever touches her shall not be innocent.
How many of us are guilty of seducing a man who isn’t our own? How many of us brag when we have a man jumping through hoops for us, and ignoring his responsibilities. How many of us have scorched the lives of men and wrecked havoc mentally, spiritually and emotionally in someone else’s family? Some women see the Married Boyfriend trend as empowerment. ‘Men,’ many will rationalize, ‘have been doing this to women for years. It is about time we have our fun!’ Well, you are the type of woman that God warns men to stay away from! Does that change your perspective?
Naomi Campbell and Vladislav Doronin
The wounds of adultery can devastate relationships, self esteem and the lives of children. Adultery can bludgeon your character throughout your family, workplace and church. Two grounds for divorce mentioned in the Bible are adultery and abandonment. Many of us have suffered the stigma of being lied to and cheated on by men, even to the point of public humiliation. Now imagine if your man has left you for one of the most beautiful and successful women in the world! If we call men dogs for being lying, cheating, manipulative and aggressive toward women who aren’t their own, what do we call them women who do the same thing?
Empathy (how would I feel if I was his wife?), patience (all the good ones aren’t married), sisterly love (I can’t hurt another woman) and modesty (I don’t have to flaunt it to get attention) are all character traits that we as women must develop, especially when the media pounds into our heads how lonely and single we are. Though these women involved in these terrible dramas are beautiful and successful, we must not look to them as an example of how to approach the world of dating. We must think more highly of ourselves, other women, men, families and God to be involved in this kind of deceit.
Pray for the sanctity of marriage and monogamous, stable relationships. Pray that our men can stay strong and not give in to lusts. Pray for women to value themselves and not be led by the the emotions of loneliness, lust and envy. Of course, men need to do their part and not be on the lookout for Girlfriend or Wifey #2. But we have to do our part and say NO!